Facharbeit Englisch < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 14:57 So 17.02.2008 | | Autor: | Jeanne89 |
| Aufgabe | Hallo, ich bin nun in der 12ten Klasse und muss meine Facharbeit schreiben. Ich habe mir das Fach Englisch ausgesucht und brauche bei zwei Texten noch eine dringende Korrektur. Sind sind auch nicht sehr lang.
Ich bitte um große Hilfe, nach zweiwöchiger Schreiberei bin ich langsam ausgebrannt und es kann sein dass sich mein Englisch noch schlimmer anhört als sonst. Dafür entschuldige ich mich jetzt schon einmal.
Ich brauche Sie/Euch dringend!!! |
Hier sind die beiden zu korrigierenden Texten:
Media a word with much significance. The Media are everywhere. On the television, in the radio, in the newspaper or on the every weekly walk we see the media.
My subject which I have chosen is do youths really become aggressive of playing violent computer games?. I have pick this subject out because I am very interested in media and their effects.
For four years I saw a reportage on television which was about the question Why youths watch so often television and love their handy?
After I have watched this reportage I had to chew over it. Are we really so hard affected by the media? Does that happen subconsciously or do we take the signals the media ray of us, (mit Absicht wahrnehmen?!)
Since that time I put a lot of questions to me towards new advertisings and I try to understand how the media try to influence us to buy for example a new yoghurt.
When the killing spree happened in Erfurt 2004, I have put the question to me, like a lot of other people a this time, why the pupil did that.
I have not thought about the media at this time. Only when Bastian Bosse attacked is old school in Emsdetten and the police found out that Bastian has played violent computer games I got the thought if there could be a connection between this incident and his fun to play violent computer games.
The many transmissions about this incident and the many reports about the danger of violent computer games strengthen my train of thought.
Because I am very interested in this medium I want to do a analysis for myself. I want to know if this statement is justified or not.
I have chosen the subject Englisch to write my skilled work in because I am very interested in the Englisch language. Since the eighth class I am fascinated about the englisch culture and I seize every possibility to enlarge my knowledge of this field.
und hier ist der andere Text
These are just some killing sprees which were happened at different schools. Pupils and formerly pupils were wirepuller of these actions up to now.
A lot of injured persons and several dead persons were the resultat of this doings.
The offenders motives do not really differ. Frustration towards teachers who estimate in an unfair way and take the fun of their life or class-mates who turn the life into hell. Bullying, rowdyism and verbal conflicts are not rare in todays school-days.
But the question still exists: How do youths occurred to them to run with pistols and guns through a school and kill quite a few unculpable humans?
Psychologists speak at first about the offenders background motives. A social bad situation, bad life conditions and a abysmal education of the parents are the most named reasons.
First when the killing spree in Emsdetten in 2006 happened, was a new hint found out which the psychologists (stocken ließ??)
The offender Bastian Bosse played a lot of times with violent computer games.
Counterstrike was one of his most favourite games.
Es has made his dreams and association come true the assassination of his hated class-mates in those violent games.
(Nahe liegt da die These?!) if those Computer games could be really responsible for those actions.
In this skilled work I have set me the goal to analyse who really is the culprit of this affair:
The social circumstances or (doch) the violent computer games?!
Ich habe diese Frage auch in folgenden Foren auf anderen Internetseiten gestellt
www.englisch-hilfen.de
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(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 17:29 So 17.02.2008 | | Autor: | rainerS |
Hallo!
> Hallo, ich bin nun in der 12ten Klasse und muss meine
> Facharbeit schreiben. Ich habe mir das Fach Englisch
> ausgesucht und brauche bei zwei Texten noch eine dringende
> Korrektur. Sind sind auch nicht sehr lang.
> Ich bitte um große Hilfe, nach zweiwöchiger Schreiberei
> bin ich langsam ausgebrannt und es kann sein dass sich
> mein Englisch noch schlimmer anhört als sonst. Dafür
> entschuldige ich mich jetzt schon einmal.
> Ich brauche Sie/Euch dringend!!!
> Hier sind die beiden zu korrigierenden Texten:
Ich habe mal Alles markiert, was mir aufgefallen ist. Schau's dir an und entscheide selbst, was du davon übernehmen willst.
Ein Hinweis: Du benutzt öfter mal das Present Perfect, wo Past Tense angebracht ist: zB "I have not thought" statt "I did not think", da solltest du aufpassen.
Übrigens: wenn du öfter nach ähnlichen Wörtern suchst, ist ein kleiner Thesaurus hilfreich.
> Media a word with much significance. The Media are
> everywhere. On the television, in the radio, in the
> newspaper or on the every weekly walk we see the media.
> My subject which I have chosen is do youths really become
> aggressive of playing violent computer games?. I have picked
> this subject out because I am very interested in media and
> their effects.
> For four years ago I saw a reportage on television which was
> about the question Why do youths watch so often watch television
> and love their handy?
> After I have watched this reportage I had to chew over it.
> Are we really so hardmuch affected by the media? Does that
> happen subconsciously or do we take in deliberately the signals the media
> ray of us, (mit Absicht wahrnehmen?!) send to us ?
> Since that time I putasked myself a lot of questions to me towards about new
> advertisings and I try to understand how the media try to
> influence us to buy, for example, a new yoghurt.
> When the killing spree happened in Erfurt 2004, I have put asked myself
> the question to me, like a lot of other people at thisthat time,
> why the pupil did that.
> I have not thoughtdid not think about the media at this time. Only when
> Bastian Bosse attacked his old school in Emsdetten and the
> police found out that Bastian hashad played violent computer
> games I got the thought ifit occured to me that there could be a connection
> between this incident and his fun to play violent computer
> games.
> The many transmissionsprograms about this incident and the many
> reports about the danger of violent computer games
> strengthen my train of thought.
> Because I am very interested in this medium I want to do a
> analysis for myself. I want to know if this statement is
> justified or not.
> I have chosen the subject Englisch to write my skilled
> work in because I am very interested in the Englisch
> language. Since the eighth class I am fascinated aboutby the
> englisch culture and I seize every possibility to enlarge
> my knowledge ofin this field.
>
>
> und hier ist der andere Text
>
>
> These are just some killing sprees which were happened at
> different schools. Pupils and formerly pupils were
> wirepullers of these actions up to now.
> A lot of injured persons and several dead persons were the
> resultat of theseis actsdoings.
> The offenders motives do not really differ. Frustration
> towards teachers who estimate in an unfair way and take the
> fun of their life or class-mates who turn the life into
> hell. Bullying, rowdyism and verbal conflicts are not rare
> in todays school-days.
> But the question still exists: How do youths occurred to them
> did it occur to these youths
> to run through a school with pistols and guns through a school and kill
> quite a few unculpableinnocent humans?
> Psychologists speak at first about the offenders
> background motives. A social bad situation, bad life
> conditions and an abysmal education of the parents are the
> most named reasons.
> First when the killing spree in Emsdetten in 2006
> happened, was a new hint found out which caused the psychologists
> (stocken ließ??) to pause.
> The offender Bastian Bosse played a lot of times with
> violent computer games.
> Counterstrike was one of his most favourite games.
> EsIt has made his dreams and association come true the
> assassination of his hated class-mates in those violent
> games.
> (Nahe liegt da die These?!) The following hypothesis suggests itself:
> ifthat those Computer games could
> be reallyactually responsible for those actions.
> In this skilled work I have set memyself the goal to analyse who
> really is the culprit of this affair:
> The social circumstances or (doch)rather the violent computer
> games?!
Viele Grüße
Rainer
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