Report < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 11:37 So 27.09.2009 | | Autor: | David_hh |
Hallo liebe Forumfreunde,
ich habe zu einem Video zum Dust Bowl in Oklahoma ein Bericht ggeschrieben und würde mcih freuen, wenn sich es einer auf Fehler angucken könnte.
The Dust Bowl of Oklahoma
The video “The Dust Bowl in Oklahoma” is suggestive of a life in the south states, what don’t come up to my expectations. In this video the reporters go on a journey through the south states to find out something about the so- called “Dust Bowl” in Oklahoma. The mood for the trip is created by country music and according to that we see a lot of farmers with ten- gallon hats, white shirts and braids. Furthermore the short film shows us how the cows are pushed on the field and branded with a special sign by the farmers. The houses in Oklahoma are built of timber und the housekeepers preserve ancient property like a radio bar whereon they are very proud. These tokens I wouldn’t expect in America of today because my impression is strongly shaped by the American films where we often see metropolitans like New York.
The country music matches to the matter of the film because country singers express in the songs their pain which looms large in the “Dark Days” in the 1930s in Oklahoma. During the great dust storms, the weather threw up so much dirt, that you could see the dust in the air when you looked from one side of the room to the other. Moreover everything was covered in dirt so that the inhabitants had to hold a cloth in front of their mouth. Also they tried to seal all openings where the dirt might intrude but without success because in spite of these protective measures the dirt broke in the houses. Besides the food went out because they couldn’t harvest corn and so on, what was also an economic problem for the farmers. For this reasons hundreds of thousands of people had to leave their homes and many of these families moved to Oklahoma and other states. The situation was ominous because one storm to another hit the country. The panhandle area was hit the hardest by the drought. The dust storms were caused by the dust and farmers who overcharged their land. The farming methods turned the fertile soil into waste plains because they tilled it deeply and endorsed that the grazing animals ruined it. The first drought was observed in 1930. In the year 1934 the great land dried up into a desert that is called the “Dust Bowl” which was an ecological and human disaster. The government intervened and created programs to meliorate the “Dust Bowl” by modifying the farming techniques. In spite of these arrangements the “Dust Bowl” in Oklahoma lasted till 1936. Thereafter dust storms with such a fatal extend have never happened again in America.
The narrator of the film can’t forget a picture with two
children which plays an important role in the film so that I
added it to my report. This photo shows a farmer and his
two sons during a dust storm in Oklahoma in 1936. The
three persons run in the direction of an old and broken
cabin. In this photo you can see the parched soil and the
dust. In addition this picture dispread a sad atmosphere
because you can feel the fear of the man and his children.
Ich würde mcih über jede Hilfe sehr freuen.
Vielen Dank im Voraus.
Gruß, David
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(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 21:53 Mi 30.09.2009 | | Autor: | rainerS |
Hallo David!
Etwas verspätet meine Korrekturvorschläge.
Ganz allgemein: du schreibst ziemliche Bandwurmsätze, weil du die Satzstruktur aus dem Deutschen übernimmst. Vielleicht solltest du eher mal so einen Satz in zwei kürzere zerlegen.
> The Dust Bowl of Oklahoma
>
> The video “The Dust Bowl in Oklahoma” is suggestive of
> a life in the southern states, whatthat doesn’t come up to my
> expectations. In this video the reporters go on a journey
> through the southern states to find out something about the
> so- called “Dust Bowl” in Oklahoma. The mood for the
> trip is created by country music and accordingly to that we
> see a lot of farmers with ten- gallon hats, white shirts
> and braids.
Meinst du wirklich Zöpfe?
> Furthermore the short film shows us how the
> cows are pushed on the field and branded with a special
> sign by the farmers.
Hier verstehe ich nicht, was du mit "pushed on the fields" meinst.
> The houses in Oklahoma are built of
> timber und the housekeepers preserve ancient property like
> a radio bar [s]whereon[/red]of which they are very proud.
> These tokens I
> wouldn’t expect in America of today because my impression
> is strongly shaped by the American films where we often see
> metropolitanscities like New York.
> The country music matches to the mattersubject of the film because
> country singers express in the songs their pain which looms
> large in the “Dark Days” in the 1930s in Oklahoma in the 1930s.
Faustregel: Ortsangaben stehen vor Zeitangaben.
> During the great dust storms, the weather threw up so much
> dirt, that you could see the dust in the air when you
> looked from one side of the room to the other. Moreover
> everything was covered in dirt so that the inhabitants had
> to hold a cloth in front of their mouth.
> Also they tried to
> seal all openings where the dirt might intrude but without
> success because in spite of these protective measures the
> dirt broke in the houses.
Das ist so ein Bandwurmsatz. Besser:
Also they tried to seal all openings where the dirt might intrude but without success:
in spite of these protective measures the dirt broke into the houses.
> Besides the food went out because
Furthermore, they went out of food, since
> they couldn’t harvest corn and so on,
> what was also an
> economic problem for the farmers.
Besser ein neuer Satz: This was also an economic...
> For thisthese reasons hundreds
> of thousands of people had to leave their homes and many of
> these families moved tofrom Oklahoma andto other states.
Die Farmer sind aus Oklahoma weggezogen, nicht dorthin.
> The
> situation was ominous because one storm toafter another hit the
> country. The panhandle area was hit the hardest by the
> drought.
Vielleicht erklärst du hier noch kurz, was mit dem Pfannenstiel gemeint ist.
> The dust storms were caused by the dust and
> farmers who overcharged abused their land.
> The farming methods
> turned the fertile soil into waste plains because they
> tilled it deeply and endorsed that the grazing animals
> ruined it.
War es nicht eher so, dass durch die Rodung der Ebenen die Erosion viel stärker wurde?
> The first drought was observed in 1930. In the
> year 1934 the great land dried up into a desert that iswas
> called the “Dust Bowl”.
Neuer Satz...
> which was an ecological and
> human disaster.
This was not only an ecological but also a human disaster.
> The government intervened and created
> programs to melioraterepair the “Dust Bowl” by modifying the
> farming techniques. In spite of these arrangements the
> “Dust Bowl” in Oklahoma lasted till 1936. Thereafter
> dust storms with such a fatal extendscale have never happened
> again in America.
> The narrator of the film can’t forget a picture with two
> children.
Neuer Satz:
> whichIt plays an important role in the film so that
> I
> added it to my report. This photo shows a farmer and his
> two sons during a dust storm in Oklahoma in 1936. The
> three persons run in the direction of an old and broken
> cabin. In this photo you can see the parched soil and the
> dust. In addition this picture dispreadspreads a sad atmosphere
> because you can feel the fear of the man and his children.
"dispread" ist sehr ungewöhnlich
Viele Grüße
Rainer
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